she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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