i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
