I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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