I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize