i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
