That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
