she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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