that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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