i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
