I like my sex mixed with concussions.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
