oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
