jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
