i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
