We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Randomize
