Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
