I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
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