i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
