Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
