Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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