There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
