is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
