last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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