I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize