my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
