kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
