is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
