Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
