I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
