A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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