if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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