Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
