id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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