Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize