You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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