We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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