It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
