Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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