I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
