did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
