I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
