Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh god the rape fog is back!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
