Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
