She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
