But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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