I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
