I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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