the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
