I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
