She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
