Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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