You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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