We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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