Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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