Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
