Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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