dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You ate ashes out of my bong
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
