Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I will be naked everywhere
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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