So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
