My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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