I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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