So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
