dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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