I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You took a bar mat shot.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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