What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
