all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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