Since when is my name a synonym for head?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
