Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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