Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
