Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
