new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm like, not good at living.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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