I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
