Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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