Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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