Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
