You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
